Here is a story of long-distance friendship. In 1998, life was going well for Ilya, a post-graduate student studying women’s studies at York University in Toronto. She had recently started dating Jas, whom she considered “the big romance” of her 20s. Ilya was enjoying her vibrant student life when Jas formed a band with some women on campus. It wasn’t long before Amy came into the picture, setting the stage for a lifelong friendship.
Amy was working as an education coordinator at an art gallery at the time. She had been drumming since her teenage years and was eager to make new connections. “I was keen to meet new friends,” Amy recalls, and soon joined the band Jas had started. Thus, Lazy Susan was born, and after several weeks of rehearsal, they were ready for their first gig.
The event took place at a student house party for queer and lesbian graduate students. Although Amy had been out for some time, she still felt nervous. “I wasn’t comfortable flirting with people,” she admits. However, after a few songs, Amy met Ilya. “I remember she had an eyebrow piercing, and I thought that was very edgy,” Amy says. From their first conversation, Amy felt safe talking to Ilya, who exuded a calm and warm presence.
Ilya, too, felt an immediate connection. “It felt like we were in this magical bubble together,” she remembers. They quickly became close, regularly seeing each other at band performances and social events, including potluck dinners and gatherings at Amy’s Toronto apartment. They even took trips to Amy’s family lake house, where they built lasting memories with their circle of friends.
A Turn In Their Long-Distance Friendship
When Ilya’s relationship with Jas ended in 2001, Amy knew she wanted to stay close to Ilya. Their friendship continued to flourish even after Ilya moved nearly 2,000 miles away in 2007 to take a job as a professor of gender studies at the University of British Columbia. Despite the distance, they stayed in touch with daily texts and phone calls, visiting each other four times a year.
In 2009, when Ilya had surgery, Amy travelled across the country to be there for her friend. “It’s really special when someone does that for you,” says Ilya, noting the depth of their connection. Over the years, they have supported each other through breakups, career changes, and health challenges. Amy, who has two children from a previous marriage, cherishes Ilya’s friendship as a constant source of support. Ilya, now married with a stepdaughter, feels the same way about Amy.
Amy’s battle with severe endometriosis and a hysterectomy during the pandemic further tested her strength, but Ilya was always there. “She doesn’t judge me for taking time out before I figure out my next steps,” Amy says.
Both women have faced mental health struggles, but their shared experiences have brought them even closer. “We talk openly about our anxiety and exchange tips on managing it,” Ilya shares.
For Amy, Ilya is a beacon of emotional intelligence. “She’s my emotional hero,” she says. And while Amy often struggles with self-doubt in other friendships, she feels completely secure with Ilya. “I think of her all the time, even when we’re not talking, and it’s a gift to have someone like that.”
